Parish Perspectives

Stormy Weather

2012-01-23T11:27:00.000-06:00

I live in the South, so stormy weather isn't at all unusual. However, having tornadoes on the ground in January is just plain weird and a little scary. I didn't have to get into my safe zone last night because the really bad ones were about 50 miles away, but it doesn't quit making one hyper-aware of the weather.

The bright spot on the horizon is the Continuing Education Cruise that I am taking next week with all my new and old friends from RevGalsBlog. We will sail the high and hopefully calm seas, as we study the upcoming lectionary.

Continuing My Education

2012-01-19T11:14:00.000-06:00

I am leaving next week on a Continuing Education Cruise. Yeah, I know, it sounds like a rough thing to endure (laughing). It is a new adventure for me, however. First off, I have never been on a cruise and this coming right on the heels of the cruise calamity in Italy. That really didn't phase me at all, however. The part that worries me is that I am such an introvert it is hard to go into new situations with people I don't know, which is ironic considering the calling God has on my life. I will be moving into new situations on a regular basis with the United Methodist Church.

Thank goodness that I am traveling with my friend from seminary, who has been with from the very first day of school. I am certain that I will make some new friends on the journey. I have made a decision (which I hope I don't regret) to travel without my baby--the laptop. I am going to go old-school, Bible and a notebook but with my IPOD and Kindle and Smart-phone. Hey, a girl can only give up so much at one time :)

Eating With God - A Book Review

2012-01-18T14:30:00.002-06:00

“Dinner With A Perfect Stranger: An Invitation Worth Considering” by David Gregory

Spoiler Alert: This is a story of a man, Nick Cominsky, who receives an anonymous dinner invitation to a fancy restaurant from Jesus. He suspects that it is a prank joke from some of his buddies but decides to go anyway. What follows is an in-depth and personal encounter with Jesus. It is a story of a skeptic who has a meeting with God and he asks some of the questions that you and I might ask. I was disillusioned by only one part of the story, when the author is setting the scene in the restaurant and he writes, “In the middle of the room two weigh-challenged women giggled as they plunged into a monstrous chocolate torte.” (10) It seemed harsh and did not flow well with the story that would follow.

The best part of the book is when Nick challenges Jesus by saying, “The other day I passed by the church down the street, and their sign read, ‘No one comes to the Father but through me’ – Jesus. If you actually said that, I think you’re full of it.” (24) What follows is an interesting stroll through the variety of world religions and how they differ from Christianity. It was a compelling argument for Christianity.

From there, it moved into the notion of grace and God’s free gift to humanity. This is where it ties into the life story of Nick and why his own marriage is having problems. It delves into when Nick actually asked the question why Jesus was having this meeting with him and the loss of his father. It is a moving book and does a good job of answering some of the questions that seekers might ask.

This book was provided for review, at no cost, by WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing

Generosity

2012-01-05T10:36:00.000-06:00

Last night I had an encounter with a man carrying a Bible as I left my United Methodist Church. He said he was leaving the Baptist Church from across the street and had only had one drink that day. I congratulated him and then he asked for money. I told him I didn't have any cash on me but that tomorrow was our food pantry day and we could give him food. He was horribly insistent and it got a little tense as he was blocking me from my car. I kind of ducked under his arm and got in the car and rummaged around until I came up with a dollar and change to give to him. He said he needed it for the bus. My logical thought was "Well, how did you get to your church service and didn't you anticipate the need for a way home, or why not ask one of your church people for a ride?"

I know that it was made even more awkward (in my own mind) because I have a clergy sticker on the window of my car. I really don't carry any cash around with me except the change that ends up in my car ashtray. It is too easy to spend and is untraceable from a personal accounting standpoint, so I wasn't lying to the man.

I used to be a military police officer and it became a matter of feeling threatened. I don't know if I handled it in as gracious manner as I could have and that bothers me. As a Christian, I wonder at how we handle such situations and perhaps one of the solutions is not to walk to my car alone at night but that is not a theological response to things like this.

Radical Together

2011-10-26T14:38:00.000-05:00

I recently read David Platt's book "Radical Together". He is able to make a convincing argument "that the gospel that saves us from work also saves us to work" (28). It is able to brings that gap between the assurance of being justified by faith alone and the notion that Christians are still called to work for the Kingdom of Heaven while on earth. "Real faith always creates fruit" (29).

Platt tells of his own experiences of being called to pastor a large church. However, his own lens seems to be the main focus of the book. He doesn't quite bridge the gap between a mega-church and the smaller churches. I did like his emphasis on the priesthood of all believers. That the people of his church were taught to understand that they were in ministry 7 days a week and not just on Sunday. He does give some advice for equipping the saints.

He totally lost me at the end of the book. When he goes from making a difference in the world to a message about heaven and salvation. It kind of falls apart at the end, in my opinion. It goes from talking about making a difference in the world to our role for evangelizing the world.

“I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review”.

Dealing with Disappointment

2011-10-17T12:55:00.000-05:00

How is one supposed to deal with disappointment when you arrive at a new church? I had such high hopes that I would jump into this new appointment and things would start turning around. It hasn't been the case. Don't get me wrong: I never thought that I had the magic cure but I thought that I could start growing this church. It hasn't proved to be the case. The old ideas and methods are so ingrained that it proving to be a hard nut to crack.

I see glimmers of hope and that will sustain me for now but I hope to get things rocking here soon.

Lost Month

2011-10-01T18:17:00.000-05:00

I feel like the last six weeks was lost. I got an infection that landed me in the hospital for a week and it has taken me the last five to start getting my strength back. Both of my churches stepped up to the plate and took care of me. It was weird to say the least. I am not used to not being able to go, go, go constantly. I am not yet at 100% but I feel like it is getting close. I still get tired by around four o'clock but I plan on breaking that barrier tomorrow, when I start a new Bible Study over the book of James.

It is a fun book to teach because James is like the New Testament version of Proverbs. It tells it like it is and speaks to universal truths, so teaching it will be a chance to explore some of the problems that face most churches.....gossip, faith and good works. I will try to be better about updating everyone and telling you how the study is going. I am teaching it to both churches and that will be fun because of the different personalities between the two.

Faith, Vision, and Church Attendance

2011-09-14T11:59:00.002-05:00

Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. Our hopes and our dreams for the future help lift our humanity to the fullness of what it can be. Tony Campolo says, One of my favorite characters in the Bible is Abraham. He is in his late nineties when he has a vision. In my own imagination I can just see this old man waking up one morning, nudging his wife, and saying with a shaky voice, “Sarah? Sarah?” The old lady, who was at least ninety-two, probably responded in a groggy fashion, “What is it, Abe?” “I just had a vision”, says the old man. “What kind of vision, Abe?” asks Sarah. “I just had a vision of a new world! A new humanity! A new people! Sarah, you and I are going to create a whole new epoch in human history!” “How does this new humanity start?” asks Sarah. “Glad you asked!” smirks Abraham in response. Imagine the next scene: It’s this ninety-four-year-old man, probably limping along with a walker holding him up, alongside his ninety-two-year-old pregnant wife. (If you don’t think God has a sense of humor, this should change your mind.) “Where are you going, Abe?’ people ask. “I don’t know”, the old man answers. “Well then why are leaving?” they yelled back at him. “BECAUSE GOD HAS GIVEN ME A VISION!” shouts Abraham.

God has given us a vision for the future of our church, also. A vision filled with life and hope, to reach this vision though it will take hard work and for people to be willing to share in the vision. My first two Sunday’s at this church our attendance was 60+. Last Sunday, we only had 28 people show up; half of you couldn’t make it to church. God deserves to come first. This is your church and to make it a success it will require you to show up.

Food Pantry and Legal Aid Clinic

2011-08-03T15:32:00.000-05:00

Both of my new churches are involved with their communities. One is running a food pantry and the other will be starting a legal aid clinic to help immigrants with legal issues. Both are serving a definite need in our community.

I have only been in these churches for a little over a month and have been observing the food pantry. It seems like the need for people to have food is growing in our community. It is a shame that so many go hungry in the United States -- the breadbasket of the world -- but it is a reality for many Americans.

First Month

2011-07-28T11:29:00.000-05:00

My first month at my new position has been challenging to say the least, but the people at both churches have been absolutely wonderful. Unfortunately, we had three funerals from one church in one week which was depressing for the church and for me too. I know that they are all in a better place now and no longer suffering. Pray for the church to spring back from these deaths and move forward in a positive and life-affirming way.

The new house is wonderful and my garden is giving me more cucumbers than I know what to do with and two eggplants so far.

Going on a Cruise

2011-06-30T15:40:00.000-05:00

I have never been on a cruise but I sent off my money a couple of days ago to join my sisters in Christ on a cruise in January. I am pretty stoked about it. I have not been good about taking any time off and haven't went on a vacation in years but this looked too good to pass up. I finally finished my doctorate and it just seemed to come at the perfect time. So I will be cruising the high sea's in a few months.....whoo hooo!!!!

Bad Press versus Good Press

2011-06-30T15:37:00.000-05:00

Part of the problem is that the normal Christians...and yes there are some out there....get overshadowed by all the nuts that the media loves to make such a fuss about. For instance, the nut jobs from Westboro, which I would argue are not Christian and have just hijacked the term. Or that idiot from Florida, who thought that burning the Koran was a good idea. Normal Christians go around trying their best to help people or if not that, at least do their best not to cause any harm.

Do we succeed? You might say no, but I think that for the majority of us we are doing just as good as anyone else is and maybe just a little better. I am not trying to convert you but ask you not to group all of us together when you hear (another idiot) Pat Robertson saying America is going to fall because of gay marriage. I am a Christian who believes that two people of any gender have the right to live their lives out together with all the privileges and pitfalls that come from being married.

Now I am not holier than thou either, I like to have a glass of wine and I have been known to say a few choice words (especially if I stub my toe). I, also, help hand out food to the hungry and visit those who are sick and dying in the hospital because of my religion. I am not uneducated or naive. I am not a Republican or a hater. And I'm not trying to convert you. This is my path and I came to it later in life than many but it is working for me. I just ask that you don't make blanket generalizations about Christianity. We are not all bad.....or all good.

P.S.

2011-06-20T15:41:00.001-05:00

I sent my dissertation off to be bound into book form yesterday with the expensive paper and all that. I truly pray that I don't see that thing again until they send it back with my diploma. I do like that I am official a doctor now though. :)

Last Day

2011-06-20T15:39:00.001-05:00

Today is my last day at Trinity. It has been a good three years and I will miss almost all of the people there but I am excited about the two churches that I will be pastoring. It will be the first time that either church has had to share a pastor, so it will not be without challenges but I'm hoping that it will all work out. I do have faith that God will be in the mix and I know that makes things so much better.

I do have to move into the parsonage back into the part of town that I left last year. I won't lie, I really didn't want to move back to that part of town but I will survive and thrive. The cool thing is that my new garden is really thriving there, so that will be neat. What many people don't know is that I actually chose to move back into the neighborhood because I know the people that are working so hard to make it a better place to live.

I won't actually move into the parsonage until next Saturday. I have my current house until the end of the month and that will give them five days to put some new carpet in and paint.

Wish me luck.

Ordained i.e. Miracles Do Happen

2011-06-11T19:33:00.000-05:00

Well, I have finally finished one leg of my journey into full-time ministry (I am not naive enough to believe that there won't be other challenges ahead). I was ordained a full-elder, Tuesday June 7th. It was a pretty cool worship service, but I was exhausted by the end of the day. The important thing is to say thank you to all of you who started with me during some pretty bleak times. There were times I didn't believe that I would ever be ordained. Giving me an outlet to vent about the stuff going on in my life was a real life-saver. This was especially true because for the first years I was serving out in the middle of the boondocks and it made me feel less alone and more connected. Therefore, I believe that you all share in the credit for me making it to this stage. Plus, I'm sure that I will be depending on that support in the future. Ministry is hard enough but it is good knowing that there are other people who have already gone through similar things and can give good advice. It is, also, nice to have a place to vent about some of the people we work with in ministry. Thanks for everything you have done.

Garden

2011-06-03T20:49:00.000-05:00

I signed up for a new project from my local university to help people start backyard gardens. They provided a raised bed, soil, and plants plus a class to teach us all about growing stuff. It was delivered to my next parsonage today. Thank goodness that I live pretty close by and the outgoing pastor is a close friend of mine, so I am able to tend the garden until moving day. I am excited about the garden and the prospect of the project itself. It is to help fight obesity in the University District. We will see but I hope to share the veggies with some of my new neighbors.

Praying for Joplin

2011-05-23T10:02:00.000-05:00

Missouri just broke the record for people killed in a tornado and it is heartbreaking. Just like the same record broken in Alabama. I get offended though when people blame God for these things happening. It is a natural occurrence when hot, moist air hits dry, cold air. The difference is that the population of many of these places are growing so it IS affecting more and more people.

God isn't punishing people but He is giving us (humans) a chance to show that we love our neighbors as ourselves. So get off your butt and find a way to help, write a check to UMCOR or put together a mission team to help with the clean-up. Send supplies, send prayers, do SOMETHING, we have a chance to be the Good Samaritans of this story.

Something New

2011-05-20T22:10:00.001-05:00

This will be a short blog. I am trying to blog from my phone. I don't see this being a daily occurrence but it is nice to have options. I have done some good today though. Worked at the dental Mission of Mercy providing free dental care to those who can't afford it. We helped over one thousand people today and doing it again tomorrow.

Secrets, Secrets and More Secrets

2011-05-03T16:40:00.000-05:00

I find the way that the church handles appointments extremely interesting. It is like the cabinet doesn't want anything to come out until it all happens at one time. This sets up an interesting dynamic between the hierarchy and the clergy (and laity). The cabinet is making all the appointments and the clergy are all calling each other and trying to figure out who is going and who is staying. It becomes the only time of the year (or so it seems) when clergy become like stalkers from TMZ

Very Thought It Would Happen

2011-04-25T18:07:00.000-05:00

Well Dear Friends,

I never thought this day would come but I am now a Doctor of Ministry. This has been a long, hard road and I really thought about giving up (several times). Still not sure what I think about the entire process but I never like to entertain the idea of quitting at anything, so I am glad that this part of my journey is finished. I don't know if I would have made any of this without the love and support of people that follow me on this blog. This has been my "safe" outlet, a place to vent my fears and frustrations and for that I thank you all.

Now I'm still in the process of waiting on my new appointment and I am not the only one. The process is moving at a snail's pace this year. It is frustrating several of the 'elder' elder's..... who are also still waiting to hear about their appointments, so I am not alone. I am sure there are several very reasonable explanations for the delay, but it is of no comfort to those of us who are sitting in the dark.

Still excited about my upcoming Ordination though. I really would never recommend working on a doctorate while working towards ordination at the same time to ANYONE. It worked out for me but it has not been the easiest course that I could have travelled on.

Now, as I sit watching the potential for yet another tornado hit my state, I ask that you pray for everyone in the path of these storms. And thank you for following my blog over these years. It has made a difference in the life of this pastor.

Time Off, Not

2011-04-09T18:39:00.000-05:00

Well, I have spent my two days off hard at work on my dissertation. I really am getting sick of this piece of work and I'm the one that wrote it. Comma's will never be one of my best friends. It is the nit picky portions of this that are driving me crazy. I really will have everything fresh in my head by next week when I have to defend it. So this is a good thing, I suppose. I plan on having a good time next week-end :)

On to other news: Still waiting on the news about my new appointment. It is lucky that I have other distractions or I would be a basket case. I actually think that I am less stressed than a lot of my other friends. I am worried that Ryss will have to move during the middle of High School and she is worried about that too. I don't know enough about the Conference to really care about where I am geographically.

Approved!!

2011-04-05T19:25:00.000-05:00

My doctoral project has been approved. Now I just have to go to Houston and have my oral defense. Hurray!!!!

This and That

2011-04-03T14:20:00.000-05:00

Research Chapter was accepted......hurray!! So now I am waiting for them to read the entire thing (again) and tell me when I have to go to Houston to defend. Hopefully, that will go well. It has been a good distraction during this season of UM Appointments.

The cabinet is taking a long, lonnnggggg time telling all of us where we will be appointed. Now I have plenty of free time to obsess over this new church that I will be going to serve. Ryss was gone for the week-end and if I hadn't had three novels to read (Nelson DeMille, who writes really long novels) and a fun evening with friends, I would have had even more time to get into full obsession mode. Luckily, I had a sermon to preach this morning and my District Superintendent was there so that gave me a totally different distraction.

The week-end has felt like it came in segments. Times of complete silence (home alone reading) followed by incredibly busy social interactions. Ryssa being gone really reinforced this perception. So I did something kind of weird. I made a coffee-date with a single pastor a few towns over. I haven't really went on a date in close to fourteen years. I have been busy and really not interested. It might be a disaster but hopefully not.

Research Chapter

2011-03-19T15:51:00.000-05:00

I totally scrapped my research chapter and started over. I finally think that it is ready for submission. I have worked every spare minute of the day for two weeks. My middle name is exhaustion. I guess I could post it online but I'm not sure that you guys really want to read thirty pages of a doctoral research chapter.

Now I get to go through the rest of the dissertation and make it just as "pristine" as this chapter. Frankly, I am so tired of making sure that my punctuation is perfect that I'm ready to give this up. I know that I will be glad when this is over but right now I just want it to be over.

When this is over, I will get to start obsessing over where I will be appointed next. Yippee!!

How Good is Good Enough?

2011-03-10T12:12:00.000-06:00

“Since Nobody’s Perfect……How Good is Good Enough?” by Andy Stanley

This is a story about how can we get to heaven. Andy Stanley argues against the belief that “Good people go to heaven” (10). This is starting with the presupposition that there is a heaven to go to after death. If you don’t believe in heaven, then this book is not right for you. The idea that only good people go to heaven is troubling for Stanley. How do we determine what good is and how much good does a person have to do? Is there a scale of goodness and where does one have to fall on the scale to be allowed through those pearly gates. Are we rejected if we fall one good deed short? It does point to the flaw in this type of thinking.

Stanley does say that “the logic behind good people go to heaven is seemingly impenetrable on two accounts. First, it is fair. Second, it coincides with the notion that there is a good God.” (19) He deals with a good God notion first in the book and with the fairness issue at the end of the book.

I did appreciate the analogy that he uses in his argument that only good people go to heaven by using the bible story of the thief on the cross next to Jesus. That argues against the only good people go to heaven worldview and against the fairness all in one fell swoop. The thief wasn’t good and it wasn’t fair that he lived a life of crime and yet Jesus promises him heaven at the end of the day.

Stanley goes on to make the case for Christianity versus just following the Ten Commandments or other systems of rules and regulations for goodness. He says that if we are going to follow this particular set of rules, we can just pick and choose which Old Testament rules one follows. He says, “Christianity is the fairest possible system in a world that is irreversibly unfair.” (77) And let’s face it, in the end, we really don’t want to be judged on fairness, what we really want is mercy.

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

Interviews

2011-02-21T16:43:00.000-06:00

Well, a miracle has occurred or for those of you who don't believe in miracles hell has finally frozen over......just teasing for all my theologically correct friends.

I passed my ordination interviews. This has been one of the longest goals that I have ever strived for; longer then my time in the military, longer than undergrad, longer than grad school and even longer than my doctorate.

I know that God was with me through the entire process even when I felt the most abandoned. There were times that I wanted to give up but I am stubborn and felt that this was what God wanted for my life.

Now it feels as if this is not the end of the journey but the beginning of a new one.

Road Bump on the Journey

2011-02-15T11:35:00.000-06:00

After almost four years of working on my doctorate, the doctoral committee said that I have to totally rewrite the research chapter. This would not have been unexpected a year ago when I first submitted that chapter, but obviously someone let it fall through the cracks and they didn't look at until now. Keep in mind that I submitted the entire manuscript last November for review. So now they are saying they see no way for me to graduate in May but perhaps I will have all the rework finished in time for the August graduation. It is the school's policy that this chapter is the first one that a student has to turn in, so they have had it for well over a year and now they decide that organizing the chapter using the Wesleyan Quadrilateral didn't work for them. (guttural scream inserted here)

This is kind of funny because I just posted my review of "Shattered Dreams" and I'm aware that this is not really a shattered dream but it was a disappointment. I thought that I had almost finished this chapter of my life and was looking forward to having it behind me. My advice for people who are thinking about getting a D.Min. degree, think long and hard on it because I am not sure that it was worth all of the pain and aggravation that it has caused me.

Shattered Dreams from the Perspective of Naomi

2011-02-15T11:12:00.000-06:00

Dr. Larry Crabb is a well-known psychologist, conference and seminary speaker, Bible teacher, popular author and founder/director of New Way Ministries. In his book “Shattered Dreams: God’s Unexpected Path to Joy”, he writes about our shattered dreams as being “ordained opportunities for the Spirit first to awaken and then satisfy our highest dream” (5).

Crabb uses the story of Naomi from the Book of Ruth in the Bible as the guide for his book. He begins by telling the devastating loss that Naomi faced in a foreign land with the loss of her husband and both of her sons. The story of Naomi is woven throughout the entire book in an interesting and touching way. This woman lost everything that she thought was important and yet God was able to use her story and her life for a deeper purpose. Crabb says that “a profound encounter with pain brings us to make a choice. Either we change or we sink into bitterness, despair, or hedonism” (84). By using the illustration of Naomi, he teaches us the way to become closer to God through the grief of a shattered dream.

“Life is not an opportunity for things to go well so we can feel good. Life is an opportunity for us to be forgiven for requiring God to make us feel good and for turning from Him when he doesn’t.” (140) Crabb is trying to turn us from cheap grace and get in tune with the true grace that comes from a deeper relationship with God.

This is not a book that you will probably pick up and read in one sitting. It requires time for some of the concepts to sink in. It would make an excellent book for a small group to study together, especially since it comes with an eight week workbook.

I received this book for free from Waterbrok Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

http://www.bloggingforbooks/

A Lesson in Patience

2011-02-12T16:10:00.000-06:00

The wonderful snow storm of last week (can you hear the sarcasm in my voice?) caused my Ordination Interview to be postponed until this coming Thursday. I was so psyched up for Wednesday, but I really haven't been as impatient as I expected. I know that this snowstorm was not sent to test me but it has been a lesson in patience for me. Patience is not one of my strong suits as you might have inferred from my sarcastic tone, but it is probably necessary for my growth as a human being. :p

I'm still waiting for my dissertation to be returned from the doctoral committee. That should be enough patience practice for one person to endure in a month, right?

I did finish a book that I am reviewing, "Shattered Dreams" by Larry Crabb. I will post it here later this week after I actually write the review.

So this week hasn't been totally wasted. I spent a lot of time with my daughter as we were locked in the house. This coming week with 68 degree temperatures will probably be even better for our relationship. Being locked in a house with a hormonal teenage girl is not the most relaxing thing in the world. Luckily, she spend most of the time asleep.

Hi-Jacked

2011-02-02T13:35:00.000-06:00

I had to take a class away from a couple that was so fundamentalist that they were driving the young parents, whom they were teaching, away from the class in droves. If fact, the class was pretty much defunct because no one was coming and the woman said, "They just aren't committed." Hmmm, I wonder why? The problem is that no one ever complains or bothers to let the staff or clergy know until it is too late.

Therefore, I have taken the class over effective immediately and will teach it until it is up and running again and we have some competent leaders for the class. The former class leaders have decided to visit the fundamentalist church down the road (this was before I took the class over). I guess it was there last act to try and find like-minded people to sway to their way of thinking.

My Senior Pastor is very upset that they have left ($$), while I think "good riddance". They were like a poisonous dart and it was spreading. I am glad that they are going somewhere else and I hope that they are happy in their new church.

I wonder if we are so conditioned to hold onto people so our numbers aren't affected that we don't see the benefits of letting people leave the church.

Heresy

2011-01-31T16:31:00.002-06:00

Today's staff meeting was "FUN". A big brouhaha over Sunday's Children's message. The layperson that did children's message must not have read the scripture and I'm not sure he read the Bible either. He did an entire message over an Angel named Fred telling God what was on the agenda for the day for creating stuff. And after God would create a blade of grass, or a bug, or a tree, and even a person--they would reach into the Well of Souls and put a soul in the blade of grass, or bug, or tree, or person. It was kind of roulette wheel of souls. I couldn't decide if it was a weird mixture of Hinduism or pantheism/paganism. I can honestly say that I'm very glad not to be the Senior Pastor this week. What is a little sad is that the entire service revolved around the Beatitudes, which would have made a beautiful children's message.

On another note, Ryss was accepted into a Marine Biology Summer Course for Duke University in Florida. The bad news is that the financial aid wasn't enough (the scholarship was for 2/3rds), so we will probably have to decline. I really feel bad and a little like a failure. I know that money isn't who I am but it still hurts when you can't provide such a wonderful educational opportunity for your child.

Max Lucado

2011-01-27T11:56:00.003-06:00

I am reading the new Max Lucado book "Out Live Your Life" and I'm considering doing a bible study over it, also. I know that he isn't a Methodist but I really like his books especially for teaching. It is about the power of a single person to make a difference in the world. Love the concept and the book is filled with good examples.

On another topic, we had the informational meeting last night for the "Strong Women" program. I'm trying to get my elderly ladies to start working on building muscle mass. The benefits to strength training for women (and men) is enormous and I think it will be a good program for the church. With that said, the women who came last night made me want to pull my hair out. The county agent trying to explain the program had to say the same thing over and over and over, simply because ladies would be talking in little groups and miss the explanation. Not very pastoral of me but I wanted to yell "Sit down and shut up"......my common sense kicked in and I just kept smiling on the outside and screaming on the inside. The meeting should have taken 30 minutes but ended up lasting 1 1/2 hours. I made it home without saying or doing anything. And people don't believe in miracles :)

Twilight Zone

2011-01-25T15:06:00.002-06:00

I am in that weird place between staying and going. Trinity has eliminated my position as of next Annual Conference, so I will be leaving here but I don't know where I will be appointed next. I am getting used to the idea of leaving but it does make staff meetings interesting. We will be planning the calendar and I will be helping and it will hit me.....I won't be here then.

I have already started delegating and setting plans into motion so that my pastoral care responsibilities will not flounder after my departure. I know that is important but as I turn more of these jobs over to laity there is less and less for me to do. I don't want to set up new programs without knowing what the possible goals/ambitions of the next senior pastor might entail.

I should be relishing the fact that I have less to do but it is coming at a point when my doctoral studies are ending and I have finished all my paperwork for ordination. I go before the BOM for my interviews on February 9th. It makes me feel lazy not to have a crushing burden of duties clamoring for my attention.

Resting

2010-11-23T16:26:00.002-06:00

I took a couple of days off to do absolutely nothing. Ryss has been delivered to Texas for Thanksgiving with the family and all I have done today is hard physical labor. Except for the extremely sore muscles that I foresee in the near future, it has been a good day. Worked out at the gym and bagged twenty-three bags of leaves from the front yard. I did run to the wireless place for some software so I can use my child's new laptop computer with my wireless modem. I promise to let her use her new computer......once in a while.

I talked to the director of the D.Min. Program yesterday and she said my dissertation is making the rounds of committee members. Hope they are all in a holiday frame of mind and go easy on me. I really don't want to have to spend months on the revisions. I really don't want to spend any time on the revisions actually. I'm tired of school work period.

I have finished all of my ordination/doctrinal questions. In fact, I have finished everything except for the interviews. Another thing to be praying about besides the uncertainty about where my next appointment will be, I pray that we will stay in this county until Ryss finishes High School. She is in a magnet school so as long as we stay within the county we will be okay.

Since I am on-call (even though I took vacation days), I couldn't go with Ryss but I am hopeful that some of my church members will bring me left-overs. Keep your fingers crossed :)

Done, Done and Finished

2010-11-10T15:34:00.002-06:00

Well, the draft of my dissertation has been officially submitted. I wonder how long I will have to wait for the multitude of revisions to begin?

But that hasn't been on my mind as much as the Church Council Meeting which officially stated that due to budgetary concerns my position at Trinity will not be renewed after Annual Conference. The people are heart-sick and frankly I am too. I really wanted to stay put for a couple more years until Ryss finished High School. I am praying that I will be placed within the county. Luckily, she is in a Magnet Program and so as long as we remain in the county she is eligible to attend school there.

After she finishes high school, I will be foot-loose and fancy-free. Itinerancy will not be nearly as heart-wrenching but for now we are sad. So say a prayer for us.....

It won't hurt to say one that the revisions on my dissertation are manageable, too.

Formatting, Formatting, Formatting

2010-10-30T17:27:00.002-05:00

Okay dissertation has some issues to be corrected before we even get started on substance and it is the nitpicky kinds of issues that drive me absolutely batty. And to make matters worse, they want me to mail them a three-ring binder with a hard copy for the initial draft. We live in the 21st Century......why waste a tree for something that will eventually be thrown away. All of the comments can be done electronically.

Oh well, time to make sure everything is exactly the same.

Plans of Mice and (Wo)Men

2010-10-14T12:20:00.002-05:00

Well, zoning out and relaxing as yet to occur, ministry keeps getting in the way. Isn't there a quote about ministry happens in the interruptions? Well, I've been doing a lot of ministry. Lot's of deaths occurring in my church and it would be depressing, but I feel such a bond with the people as I'm allowed to be apart of their lives during this transition from this life to the life eternal. These bonds seem to be stronger than many of the other pastor/parishioner bonds that form over the course of a ministry. It has been good and I can say that because the people who died were suffering.

I have continued to work on the dissertation. I have assembled it all together in the correct format and with all the appendix/bibliographic information. It is right around 100 pages long. Seems kind of short considering the years that went into this project. Part of that is that I have never written the max required length of almost any paper because, why use 100 words when 10 will suffice. I hope this habit doesn't bite me on the rear.

And then the normal everyday crap of living in modern society. For instance, I have had automatic draft for my car payment for years. I don't have to think about it and the bank gets their money, sounds perfect. Until loan changes hands for servicing and the new company cannot draft money on a regular basis. Last month it drafted, this month it didn't and then they start calling my parents (my references) talking smack about debt collection. So I have removed it from automatic draft and I will write a check every month (but it will be with a bit of anger thrown in).

On the good side, I have finally crossed that month long plateau and have started losing weight again. Hurray!! I have preached and recorded my "ordination" sermon and finished the doctrinal questions. I had my "ordination" physical last week and my "ordination" mammogram yesterday. So 2nd base is safe for another year :) Really, now it is a matter of waiting for the interviews next Spring and lots of praying.

Sadly, it doesn't look like I will be able to stay at my church after my (hopeful) ordination. The money just isn't there for an associate pastor. I'm praying that I will stay in the same county for just two more years so my daughter will finish High School. I'm afraid that she will disown me if we have to move. It won't be a pretty sight.

P.S.

2010-10-02T12:06:00.003-05:00

In the midst of all this writing, I have really been working at becoming more physically healthy too. Over the summer, I lost 40#s and lot's of inches. Working out is the first thing I do in the morning now so that it doesn't get lost in the "to-do" list.

The other thing is tracking all of my calories. Church dinners are laden with hidden calories but the church ppl have been good about understanding why I only get a tiny bite of their Aunt Lucy's favorite casserole.

I am walking as part of the United Methodist "Holy Healthy" program under Virgin Healthmiles. Out of hundreds of clergy that are currently taking part in a month long, eight conference challenge I am ranked 42nd. I am ranked 2nd in my conference. Not to bad for an old lady :)))

Excitement

2010-10-02T12:02:00.002-05:00

I have just finished the first draft of my entire doctoral dissertation. This has been a project years in the making and here at the very end I didn't think I could force myself to type another word. I was just exhausted. It was like I had writers block ten times over.

I know that it will probably undergo a zillion rewrites but getting the first draft finished was a huge accomplishment. I plan on reading a novel today and just zoning out for the first time in "like forever".

Clergy Killers, Part 2

2010-08-17T18:53:00.002-05:00

People who come up with grand ideas and then want others to do all the heavy lifting has become my new pet peeve.

I have become a big fan of the "Simple Church" concept. We complain about the parishioners not being present for this or for that. Maybe they aren't the problem and we are. If people knew that everything that was happening at the church happened on Wednesday or on Sunday, it might be easier for them to schedule their own lives and still include church. Just saying!

What do those two thoughts have in common? More than you might want to know but discretion is the better part of valor and I'm not going into a rant (at least not tonight).

Clergy Killers

2010-08-13T13:26:00.002-05:00

I have been reading a lot of articles about the stressful conditions that pastor's work under; low pay, no respect, expectations that no human could ever live up to, etc. I have decided that the thing that was killing me the most was not taking the time to care for my body. This summer started out with me giving up all soda's. I thought I was going to DIE. The chemicals in the Diet Coke's caused literal pain as my body flushed them out.

After that, I started eating healthy and logging everything I ate in "Calorie Counter" a free app on my Droid. (Did you know that one serving of Organic Blue Corn Chips is only 6 chips?? I mean, really, who only eats 6 chips?)

I had been a member of a local gym for over a year, but my attendance was sporadic and I never did any true cardio work. So when my conference began Holy Healthy through Virgin HealthMilies, I signed up and received my free pedometer. Now I am in a competition with other clergywomen and even next week it is men against women (those guys will never know what hit them). Not only am I losing weight, I am building friendships with clergy that leave on the other side of the state. I walk between 15,000-20,000 steps a day. I eat less than 1,500 calories a day.

During this long, hot summer, I have lost 28 pounds. I wake up now without the alarm clock and hit the road before dawn with the dogs. I still have a lot of weight to lose but I am over a 1/3 of the way to my goal already.

The comments from the parishioners is nice and I'm glad they are noticing. I am being intentional about it being a part of my ministry.......yes, me. They need to know that I matter too. What kind of spiritual leader am I if I ignore the body that God gave me, that has the Holy Spirit indwelling within?

I have much more to post about Clergy Killer's. I might start with office staff that are so insecure that they only feel better if they are putting someone else down.

Can't Sleep

2010-06-10T06:07:00.004-05:00

Told you a couple of posts ago about my church administrator. Found out while at Annual Conference that when people ask her about my status in the conference, she is telling them that I am "just licensed to preach". I smiled and corrected them, but inside I was furious for several different reasons.

First, no one is "just" licensed to preach. It requires jumping through several hoops in most cased to become licensed to preach in the United Methodist system. At the very least it requires attending a license to preach two week seminar, not to mention being called by God, etc. And this is very demeaning to the hard work that local pastors are doing to cover churches across the United States and world, to say that they are "just" anything.

Second, it demeans the Senior Pastor and suggests that she left the church in less than capable hands.

Third, it discounts the tremendous time and energy that I have put into becoming a Provisional Elder in the UMC. As I enter my 2nd year of Residency, I know that I could be discontinued or delayed for years to come. I pray that it doesn't happen, but for this woman to say that I am "just" anything or for that matter that anyone is "just" anything is upsetting.

I process events in my lift by writing. It helps me find the right words to say when I have a "come to Jesus meeting" with this woman. So part of this is a rant, because I need to rant. Part of this is so that later I don't think, "I should have said this or I should have said that". Feel free to give me suggestions, because frankly I just want to scream.

Time Off

2010-06-04T20:58:00.003-05:00

I am really anticipating the return of my Senior Pastor. The work has not been that much harder. It is doing the work without the authority to back it up that has been stressful and not having any time off.

Today was my day off for instance, I had scheduled month's ago to do a Eucharist Service at a local retirement home. Way before I had any idea my SP would be on a leave of absence. So I did it. Then a call came about a man very sick in the hospital that wanted an actual pastor and not one of my lay chaplains. Which is very suspicious......I believe that was more the church administrators doing than than the sick mans (He was very surprised that I was the one that showed up, hmmmm).

This leads to my other point. I know that I am fairly easy going, but she (church administrator) has been a tremendous pain in the butt. First, I understood she was nervous at the shift in authority from the SP to myself. But this has gone on long enough she should know that I'm not out to do her job. Hell, I can barely keep up with all that I have to do.

Everything is an argument with her. She even argued with me over the proper way to do a Confirmation.......this was just over one of the kids I was confirming out of the 13. She thought that I should use the kids nickname and I disagreed. I'm just sick of everything being an argument.

Another example, gifts for the confirmands. Such a stupid thing to worry about, but they couldn't (at the last minute) find 13 crosses. So they bought crosses for the boys and bookmarks for the girls. Now I'm sure they were wonderful bookmarks, but there is just something wrong with hanging a cross on the neck of the boy and handing the girl a bookmark. So I refused to do give them out during the actual service. I was accused of being a feminist with "issues". Damn, I guess I am, but it really isn't a bad thing in my book. I did take great offense to the "with issues" portion of the conversation, however.

The funny thing is the very next day. I was on a two-day mission trip and a dentist told my daughter that she was physically too small to become a surgeon and should consider becoming an optometrist. So too small to be a surgeon but she can sell glasses and contacts. You can't tell me that sexism is a thing of the past.

So all this started with the notion that I need a day off and I do. Next week in Annual Conference, so no time off. My SP is due back on July 4th and on July 11th I leave for my D.Min. seminar. No time off there.

Tomorrow, I get to drive for four hours with my daughter to pick up her best friend. I guess that constitutes time off. Trust me, this will not go on much longer, I will take care of myself.

Do people think before they speak?

2010-06-04T19:39:00.002-05:00

So a lady in my church was talking to me. She complimented me on a wonderful sermon the previous Sunday (Memorial Day). Several of the old men had been very complimentary, one said it brought tears to his eyes. "Made them feel very connected to God."

So the lady asked what my plans were for ministry.....did I plan on becoming a Senior Pastor one day. I said that I was happy serving as an Associate. She says, "Well, that's good. You preached such a wonderful sermon on Sunday, but I could have really made the people leave feeling as if they were much more uplifted, after all, that's why they come to church". She goes on to say, "Well, maybe that black lady that preached a few Sundays ago could have taken your manuscript and done an even more wonderful job."

I kindly thanked her..... I won't tell you exactly what I was thinking at that particular moment.

It was over Romans 5:1-5 and I used our veterans as a living illustration for the sermon and drew heavily upon my own military experiences.

And here she was saying she could have taken my manuscript and touched the hearts of the people better. (She never served in the military.)

Granted I know that I am not an Ellsworth Kalas, Tony Campolo, or Bishop Willimon, but this woman is not even a public speaker of any kind in her professional life or personal life.

I'm really not sure how to think or feel about this. I don't think she ever realized how offensive and arrogant she came off sounding.

Misti

2010-06-02T10:51:00.003-05:00

Yesterday we lost a member of our small family -- Misti -- she was only ten years old. I remember getting her for Ryss because her other "best friend" Stormy was the only other cat in our house. Turns out the cats really didn't like each other and Misti became best friends with Gus the daschund. They would cuddle together for hours and give each other baths.

She was the shyest member of out family and until the last couple of years most people never even knew we had another cat. I'm not a cat person, but I cried like a baby yesterday when the vet put her to sleep. She went downhill so fast over the holiday week-end and really didn't give us a lot of warning that anything was wrong until it was too late.

We buried her yesterday and put a gardenia bush over the grave, so next Spring the scent with remind us of what a great cat she was and that she is missed. I probably won't ever get another cat but I'm not sorry she became a member of our family.

Stormy is still going strong and she is two years older than Misti. She acts more like a dog than a cat. I hope she makes it into her late twenties for Ryss' sake.

Musings

2010-04-06T15:07:00.002-05:00

My Senior Pastor started a 3-month Leave of Absence yesterday. She has had a rough time with personal issues, one in particular that I wouldn't ever want to face--the death of a grandchild. I haven't burned anything down yet, so that is all good.

The district has stepped in with some guest preachers, so I won't have that entire responsibility and we have a great staff. So that is all good.

So the questions is: Why am I feeling so stressed?

I know that part of it is working on my D.Min. writing. I have an entire research chapter due by July. Part of the problem is that I am bored with the topic. I know that getting a doctorate means that you become an "expert" on a topic, but I'm sick of reading about it and writing about it. Is this normal?

I was able to put it off during Lent because I was reading the entire Bible (thanks Brian). Now I have no excuse. I moved during Lent to a new house. No Excuse (well except for I can't find everything). I don't get a special day devoted to writing due to the Senior Pastor's absence. So, okay, I have one excuse....weak as it is.

I want to be outside, planting flower beds..............anything but writing. Whiny today aren't I??

Living Legend

2010-03-27T18:41:00.002-05:00

I suppose it is going a little over-board to say I had dinner with a living legend, but in Methodist circles Dr. J. Ellsworth Kalas IS pretty famous. I took him to dinner tonight, just the two of us. He is the nicest guy and it was great. I can't wait to hear him speak tomorrow at church.

BOM

2010-03-23T12:12:00.002-05:00

I went before the BOM last week to be re-evaluated and voted on for continuance as a Provisional Member of the conference. Everything went well, Thank God. So I'm leaving to get home and take my daughter to the airport for her trip to Guatemala and I back into one of the BOM's cars. They are right in the middle of a huge discussion about discontinuing another PE and so I left a note. I have heard absolutely nothing. What to do, what to do. It was a tiny dent but I would like to know who I hit and am anxiously awaiting a phone call from someone.

My Senior Pastor is going on a three month leave of absence. I had to talk to her today because I felt that she had been very ambiguous in the staff meeting about leadership responsibilities. She reassured me that she would clear it up.

So this week has been very stressful, besides the fact we moved into a new house. I am so glad. It is bigger and in a safer neighborhood, but this has been a rough week and the next three months might be as bad. So I can use all your prayers.

Realization

2010-03-07T13:47:00.001-06:00

Just sat here listening to my daughter impersonate me with the telephone company. I'm amazed she knows everything that she needed to make them believe it was me. I don't know if I should be angry or impressed.

Holy Healthy

2010-03-02T19:35:00.002-06:00

I have decided to join the Holy Healthy Program offered by my Annual Conference. I am already teaching a class about healthy body image and eating until one if full versus using food as a crutch. So now the conference will have a record of the number of steps I take during the day. This could get interesting.

Haiti

2010-01-16T19:40:00.003-06:00

My heart broke when I heard that the little 11-year-old girl (Annica SanLouis) died after her amazing rescue in Haiti. I watched the rescue. I saw her cute black reading glasses and the braids on her head. She looked so sweet.

She died a few hours after her rescue. "Mother, please don't let me die" were her last words.

I was so happy after her rescue and broke down crying after I heard that she had died.

I know that so many have died that didn't have to because of a lack of medical care. I believe that we mobilized as swiftly as we could, but it breaks my heart.

My prayer is that we help them rebuild and we make sure that it is rebuilt in a way to help reduce any future tragedies.

Haiti

2010-01-13T18:03:00.002-06:00

My heart goes out to the people of Haiti. I spent today passing out 9 tons of food to the hungry in Houston. I watched enormous effort and love pour out in the name of Christ, so when I got back to the hotel and read the following headline I was furious:

Pat Robertson, the evangelical Christian who once suggested God was punishing Americans with Hurricane Katrina, says a "pact to the devil" brought on the devastating earthquake in Haiti. (Source:cnn.com)

We cannot let a man that is so filled with hate speak for us as Christians. He is such an ass, that I can't even begin to express my contempt for him.

Urban Ministry

2010-01-11T17:53:00.003-06:00

The topic for this seminar is Multi-Cultural & Urban Ministry. I never thought that it would be something that I needed, because I thought I would always be in rural/small town ministry. The speaker is awesome and is very interesting (and energetic). I don't foresee falling asleep in class.

I feel sorry for the people who don't speak English as their native language. The pace is very, very rapid.

We are going on a field trip Wednesday to feed & cloth the homeless in downtown Houston. I am excited about that.

As much as I complain about the way this new doctoral program is moving (more into a Ph.D. mode and away from practical), the new director of the program is managing to add a hands-on experience for every seminar. It is making it more interesting and more trouble all at the same time. Like many people, I don't like change.

They were laughing when I sat down because it was the same seat as last time, and the time before, and the time before that. You get the idea!!

School

2010-01-10T17:36:00.002-06:00

I suppose that I will be in a Nursing Home before I finish school, but I am back in Houston plugging away at it. It was really good to get away from the church for a while. Major conflict brewing with Senior Pastor and former Youth Pastor. I figured the best place to be was 500 miles away. It will keep me from becoming triangulated. Whewww!

Re-Arrangement

2009-11-14T14:16:00.003-06:00

My daughter is currently rearranging the living room. While I don't condemn the practice in general, I really don't like it for me. If I get up without my glasses on, I like knowing where everything is so that my toes don't get stubbed.

Really there wasn't any need to rearrange the living room!! The child gets one Saturday off and this is what happens.

Prayer Shawls

2009-11-12T14:24:00.002-06:00

I am currently working on my third prayer shawl. Who would have thought that I have a domestic streak?? My daughter came in from school the other day and said, "You look just like Grandma"!! It was a shock to my system because my mom is a big crocheter. We never want to hear that we are like our parents, because we feel like we should be totally separate.

Anyway, this ministry has totally taken off from my initial Small Group Leadership Retreat. I am very excited about it because it is Lay led and Lay driven. God is good!

Sunday, November 1st

2009-11-07T11:12:00.002-06:00

Saturday night, I received a phone call from my senior pastor. She is sick and I have to preach. Not a huge problem in and of itself, but this was a special service Sunday. We had added all kinds of different pieces to make it a very memorable All Saints Service. On top of all that, I had forgotten that I was filling in for the Children's Sermon too.

First service starts and the "stinking" sound system is down again. Thank all the Saints who were looking out for me, it was fixed before I had to preach very much of my sermon.

After that inauspicious start, the rest of the day went extremely well. Lots of people loved the service and I was glad that I was able to pull it off without any major stumbles.

The next day was our "Staff Retreat". It was led by a psychologist that specializes in relationships. It will be interesting to see if it has any effect. Unfortunately many of those involved "like the way I am", which is code for, they have no intention of changing. Kind of sad when you think about it.

BOM Sermon

2009-10-25T18:33:00.002-05:00

Scary moments this morning--the sound system was totally down for the first service. I thought, "Not today of all days!!" However, they got it up and running in time for the second service and I was so relieved that I relaxed (a whole bunch) and preached over the Wesleyan Threefold Grace. I don't know how it went because I haven't seen the DVD yet, but congregation reaction was good.

Of course, they liked the first service sermon too. The one where I had to strain my voice projecting it over a huge room.

This was the first time the entire sound system crashed!!! Was God just testing me??

Casting Off by Nicole Dickson

2009-10-16T19:39:00.002-05:00

This is a wonderful book about a woman who finds redemption and forgiveness on an Irish Island. Woven throughout the story is the history of Irish spinning and knitting.

Rule of Life

2009-10-03T11:05:00.002-05:00

I am in the process of completing an assignment for school. It is supposed to be titled "Rule of Life for Pastoral Care to the Pastor". Basically, it is taking care of myself. In reading, Barbara Brown Taylor's An Altar in the World, she talks about having something that you love doing outside of the church. Not in the recreation department, but an unpaid job.

I've thought and thought about what I would like to do as a volunteer that is not related to being a pastor. I thought about counseling at a local domestic violence shelter or volunteering at a local library----helping women and books, but those are related in a way to my tasks as a pastor. The more I consider what I truly love besides God and church, it becomes clear--Dogs. I love dogs.

Unfortunately, she also talks about the ability to say "No". I am so overwhelmed at times that I want to grab anything that is made out of paper in my house and have a gigantic bonfire. I feel like I'm being smothered by paper. Not just the books that dominate most of my life, but the hoards and hoards of mail, papers, magazines, my crap, Ryssa's crap. I'm sure that as soon as a throw a piece of paper away, I will need it. (I did do some cleaning yesterday and feel a little better today.)

So the problem with having an unpaid, non-church related job will have to wait until I finish school. I have just been approved for Candidacy status for my doctoral project. It took several (several) re-writes for my project narrative to be approved. I was beginning to think I wasn't going to make it, but it turns out that I was the test case for the new, improved doctoral program (fun). My papers will be the format for all the following D.Min. students. So they were looking for perfection, which as many of you can attest to, I am so not perfect.

Back to the Rule of Life, it is a work in progress and an evolving tapestry of wants and needs.

Love at First Sight

2009-10-01T16:06:00.003-05:00

I was going through the usual 1st of the month routine. Paying bills (always depressing) and I decided to run into the grocery store for one thing (dish soap). Now I knew that I probably wouldn't leave the store without spending $100, but I was resigned to that fact.

So here I am, in less than a gracious mood and my hair pulled back into a ponytail and no makeup, when I spotted HIM. He was probably in his 80's. A small man, dressed in a dapper, three piece suit, with a red handkerchief coming out of his front pocket and a little black hat. He could only take steps in about six inch increments with the help of a cane.

He caught my eye and tipped his hat at me, smiling broadly. I smiled back and dipped my head in acknowledgment. I watched him repeat this with everyone that he made eye contact with. I looked behind him and saw a billboard with the words, "I love you, I love you, I love you....signed GOD".

That little man made my day, with his dark brown skin, dapper suit and a smile that lit up the day.

Retreat

2009-08-28T20:18:00.004-05:00

Tomorrow is the very first "Retreat" that I have ever organized and led. It is, also, the kick-off for my doctoral project. Needless to say, I have been agonizing over this thing. I'm pretty laid usually, so I hope that kicks in tomorrow and I don't stress over little things.

In Memory of:

2009-08-23T19:27:00.003-05:00

Being in ministry is never an easy task. We make friends in a local church and then have to bury some of them. I know this is not something unique to clergy but it seems to come in cycles. I had a funeral last week, another tomorrow and another Saturday.

I did a lot of funerals over the Christmas holiday but they weren't for people I knew. Mostly is was for people who had no church home, sad in its own way, because we didn't do something right to pull them into the life of the church or sad because they rejected the grace offered to them.

I know that I'm going to miss the woman I'm doing the funeral for tomorrow. She was almost 92 and hardly anyone knew it. She was so very active. She learned to play the viola at 85 and she learned how to paint last year--hummingbirds. She started a handbell choir at the church last year, tutored at a local elementary school and was a fierce bridge player. I hear that she couldn't cook that well, however. My kind of woman.

Prayer's

2009-08-15T14:47:00.002-05:00

My 22-year old neice called me this week to tell me she reported, her mom my sister, into CPS for neglecting her 11-year-old brother. She said that my sister is abusing prescription narcotics. The family has tried interventions, but my sister keeps denying having any problem.

Please keep my family in your prayers. I'm not sure that my neice chose the best option for dealing with it, but she felt she had no choice.

Dream

2009-08-03T08:28:00.002-05:00

I had a dream last night that I was with a large group of people and Jesus. We all had to choose between two stories and then tell Jesus why we chose our story. I remember that I chose a story that was about grace and forgiveness. The other story was more technically correct but it was about judgment.

I'm in line to tell Jesus the reasons why I chose my story and a girl in the line starts complaining to Him about a grade that she got on a test. All I could think was "For God's sake He is the Son of God and you're complaining about a grade you got"!! Finally after several minutes of her complaints he asks, "Do you really want me to give you what you deserve?" I'm screaming in my head, "NO".

Then it was my turn to stand before Jesus....but I couldn't find my story in the book and was panicking.

About that time my dog woke me up...........I must have made a noise or something because he had his big, old head stuffed right against my nose.

Another Trip

2009-07-10T09:54:00.002-05:00

I am getting everything ready to send my daughter off to the University of Kansas for the next three week, while I prepare to leave for Houston. She loves going to the Duke TIP summer camps. I love the fact that Duke puts its money where its mouth is and gives her a scholarship to attend the camp. Last year it was Philosophy and this year it is Introduction to Medical Science.

Let me tell you, sending a teen-ager off to study philosophy is the biggest mistake you can make. For months, I was told that my arguments for anything were illogical. I had to resort to "I'm your mother and I told you so" way too many times.

Pray that she had a safe trip. It doesn't seem to get any easier to let her out of my sight.

Freedom

2009-07-06T11:51:00.003-05:00

I will not even pretend that I meditated very long over the concept of freedom this 4th of July. I did, however, get almost all of my pre-seminar homework completed. Now I am frantically working on my Project Proposal Narrative for submission to the D.Min. Committee. I am having problems coming up with quantifiable measurements for spirituality, so I enlisted the help of a Math professor and and Engineering instructor.

The other project I am working on is my physical well-being. I have been working out at the gym almost every single day. I have lost twelve pounds and over 7 inches. I hope that the next two weeks don't cause me to falter. First, I have the D.Min. seminar and then I have a "mandatory" retreat. The retreat will also put my one week behind in my post-seminar assignments, but I hope that it doesn't have a negative impact on my conditioning program. I will have to take really long walks and some weights along with me, I guess.

There is some negative stuff happening at the church (not with me). So far I have avoided being triangulated in the situation and I pray that I can keep out of the potential backlash.

Commissioning

2009-06-15T18:09:00.002-05:00

Well Friends, I didn't think that this day would ever come. The Arkansas Annual Conference voted on my Provisional Membership today....YEAH! Tomorrow is the Commissioning Service. I wish all of you could be there with me but I know that I wouldn't have made it without all of your spiritual support. Thanks!!

As many of you know I'm an Introvert, I'm wondering if someone could be pathologically introverted. I'm really worried about someone I know. It is really interfering with her ministry. She is already on anti-depressants. It seems to be getting worse.

Forever

2009-05-14T12:18:00.003-05:00

It seems like forever since I blogged. My life has been so hectic that when I finally get home I seem to plop down in front of the television or go straight to bed. It won't get any better soon since I received my next semester's pre-assignments yesterday which are all due by July 13th.

I did do one really neat thing since I blogged last. I went on a Dental Mission of Mercy trip. The Arkansas Dental Association comes together once a year to provide free dental care to the needy. We helped close to 2,000 people receive much needed dental care. One guy had to have sixteen teeth extracted. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain he was in.

I have been having trouble getting motivated when it comes to reading my assigned books. I am so tired of all this. The church has been great about giving me the two weeks per year off and giving me time during the week to work on this project.

Part of all this might be the fact I am getting over a pretty nasty bug. I just don't feel like I have any energy. However, I am very excited about being Commissioned next month. The months are just too crowded though...May-Mission Trip, June-Annual Conference, July-D.Min. Seminar, August, trip to Kansas.

And Sixteen books to read and write papers over between now and July. Pray for me...............

Gym

2009-04-11T18:58:00.002-05:00

Well, I broke down last night and joined a gym. It is a pretty nice place that allows Ryss to work out too (which can be kind of hard to find). She loved it and practiced getting her mile faster, and faster, and faster. I don't have that kind of energy but it felt good to work out last night and again this morning too.

After the work-out, I went and picked up food for tomorrow. My Sunday School class is feeding the homeless dinner. I thought it would be a good way to spend Easter. I have been teaching a series over the Seven Deadly Sins. Tomorrow's sin is "Sloth". I am preaching over the Seven Deadly Sins next Sunday.

Update

2009-04-10T09:36:00.002-05:00

Well it looks like attempts at a reconciliation failed. It is rough to witness something like this in the church. It is even harder when you honestly like all the parties involved and can see both sides of the conflict. This will definitely damage the ministry at Trinity, at least for the short term. In some ways it is even harder because this is Easter, the Holiest of Days, for Christians.

Pride and Anger are running amok....................

Trianglulation

2009-04-09T15:25:00.002-05:00

Massive conflict at the church this week between Contemporary Worship Leader, Youth Pastor and Senior Pastor......the first two are a married couple. Emergency SPRC meeting tonight before our Maundy Thursday service. Not good timing in my opinion. Everyone comes and talks to me.......trying very hard not to take sides or get drawn into the conflict. Egads!!! This is a lesson in good communication. I will post more on this later.

New York City

2009-03-29T17:46:00.002-05:00

Well half of the folks made it back from NYC safety, the other half is stuck there because of bad weather. I am so glad that Ryss was in the early group even though she had to get up at 3 a.m. The only flight the other group can get is tomorrow into Dallas.

Hmmm, Dallas....I have friends there. So I volunteered to go and pick them up but apparently some of the parents are not happy that youth pastor is not stuck in NYC with the kids (and adults). They want him to be the one that goes to pick them up. Of course, it doesn't help that his two daughters are two of the ones stuck in the airport. Sounds silly to me. I know my way around DFW and the airport. It would be a lot easier for me to go.

So instead of a trip to Dallas I will be preaching at the contemporary worship service tomorrow night instead of the youth pastor. I'm trying to see the bright side. Oh I know, my garden survived the cold weather. Always something good to see if you look. Plus, the best of all, I got my daughter back from NYC safe and sound. She immediately passed out and I don't think I will talk to her again until tomorrow. Plus, now she thinks that the BEST PLACE IN THE WORLD TO LIVE is NYC. We are so "provincial" here. God you have to love teenagers.

Sleep Issues

2009-03-27T10:05:00.003-05:00

When I was in Texas I had severe insomnia and had to treat it with meds. I haven't had to take one sleeping pill since moving but this past week I thought I would have to take one. I determined that it was breathing issue keeping me awake (Plus, one very annoying cat.).

So yesterday I went to the drug store, bought Breath-Rite Strips and nose spray, I slept like a baby, woke up with lots of energy, accomplished a lot this morning on only one cup of tea. One problem solved....now for that darn cat.

Inscription

2009-03-25T14:19:00.002-05:00

Found written on the walls of a Nazi Concentration Camp:

"I believe in the sun, even when it is not shining.
I believe in love, even when I do not feel it.
I believe in God, even when He is silent." (Author Unknown)

I remember my trip to a Concentration Camp. It touched me in ways that I cannot describe easily -- horror, compassion, empathy, anger -- I felt all of those emotions.

Luke & Garden

2009-03-22T16:49:00.000-05:00

My little "BIG" helper.....

Garden

2009-03-22T15:22:00.002-05:00

Today Ryss boarded an airplane for New York City. She will be spending seven days there on a mission/cultural trip. Excited does not even begin to cover how she feels right now. This is the first time, since she was old enough to remember, that she has flown. Me, on the other hand, not so happy.

So I thought how can I spend this week with her away in a productive manner. Normally, I would read, read, and read some more. Today, though, I took a page out of Barbara Kingsolvers book, and planted a garden. All kind of veggies, strawberries and cantaloupe. I planted some stuff last year but I did it in pots because I knew I was moving. One of my church friends brought his rototiller and prepared the ground for me yesterday. Today, I planted all kinds of stuff.

It kept me from feeling sorry for myself or lonely because now I am exhausted. Gardening is hard work. Since she has decided to become a vegetarian, it will hopefully save me some money at the grocery store. Hope springs eternal....

Grad School

2009-03-16T21:31:00.002-05:00

I wonder if School's understand that it is not only their programs that can attract or lose potential and/or current students. I am seriously considering changing schools. I hate having to beg them to disburse my student loan. It is an extremely convoluted procedure. The bank/government sends them a check, then they send it to me for my signature, then I send it back to the school, where they sit on the check for one week, then they cut me a new check and finally mail it to me, whereas I finally can deposit the money. Why??

I received an email tonight that, after sitting on my money for two weeks (yes, two, not just one week), they will disburse it after the Business Manager comes back from HIS vacation. I hate needing the money. I wish that I was making what I was in the Private Sector. I don't want and won't leave the ministry over something this stupid and petty, but it is so irritating. It's not like I owe them a dime. They received all their money in January. This is MY loan. This really sucks, because the reason that I am desperate for it, is so that I can pay Duke University's TIP tuition. It's due Friday. He comes back from vacation on Thursday. I'm praying for a very, very quick turn-around.

Okay, that is my bitch session for the week. Other than this petty, petty stuff, life has been so good to me lately that I really shouldn't complain. I am going to start looking for a Spiritual Director this week. I'm not really sure about this because my last S.D. was a very organic relationship. Since the Methodist Church is a connectional system, there are some drawbacks at having a S.D. who is a member of the UM clergy. I met a female pastor who is around my age, but is a Lutheran Senior Pastor. I'm not sure that she would be a calming influence on my life though (she might be wilder than I am), which as you can see from my rant above I probably need. I recognize the need for someone to talk to, who can hold me accountable, and who I feel safe with.

New York City

2009-03-15T16:48:00.003-05:00

So today I went to the "parent" meeting for the mission trip to New York City and I'm convinced that I should have went along too. I believe that they will be having more fun than mission.

As my daughter gets older, it seems that I am standing at the curb waving bye much more often than I like. I don't remember traveling so much when I was a teenager.....at least not without my parents.It's kind of poignant.

I know that I have fallen behind on my blogging, dear friends. One day I will be done with my doctorate and hopefully that will mean a little more free time.

U2

2009-03-09T21:38:00.003-05:00

I don't think I've mentioned "canvascommunity". It is a new church start that Trinity is birthing. I have been a part of the team since it launched last September. JB is the pastor of the community and is doing a wonderful job with it. Hopefully, we will be ready to move to a new off-site location in July.

He is doing a sermon series over U2 songs. Tonight it was over the song "Grace". The service was well attended tonight and had a lot of energy. It's kind of nice to really have no role in the worship service and be able to sit back and participate in worship. My role is with the Eucharist which we have every week. The entire ambiance is like a coffee house.

It is hard sometimes as a pastor to feel like you have really had a personal worship experience. You are concerned with logistics or preaching or something. This was nice.

Funny

2009-03-05T21:56:00.002-06:00

It is now two 1/2 hours since getting the final "Yes" at the BOM. And, I am so sore I can hardly move. I must have been SO tense all day long that it was like an all day exercise marathon in isometrics.

I sat down with my daughter to watch T.V. and couldn't hardly get back up. It is pretty funny. I hope that I can walk in the morning. Oh well, it was definitely worth it.

Like Cool Water on a Hot Day

2009-03-05T20:37:00.002-06:00

I am so relieved. I finally had the opportunity to appear before the Board of Ordained Ministry.....and (will wonders never cease) I did great. They had no problems with me, no problems with my answers, and passed me.

It has been a long tough road but with the God's help and everyone that was so supportive, this step on the path to ordination is over.

Thank you all so much for your prayers and your encouragement. Now I am going to kick back and relax with my daughter.

Two Rivers

2009-03-04T12:17:00.002-06:00

The Trinity Trekker's expedition was a lot of fun. It was bitterly cold, raining and then sleeting. Luke was soaking wet. I was soaking wet. And it was still fun. It was a nice wide, paved trail, three miles long. I only hurt a little at the end, so my knee held up for the duration. I think that wearing a brace made a big difference.

In fact, I am planning on going again on Saturday. We had the entire park to ourselves last week (I can't understand why!!). This week the weather is supposed to be in the 70's, so I expect a lot more company. Ryss is excited about going, so I can take all the dogs. Luke didn't have to be on the leash last week because he doesn't like to stray very far from me and there was no one for him to bother. I don't think I will get away with that again, unless I go when it is sleeting.

Later in the evening it started snowing. Really the first snow that I have seen since moving to Arkansas, ice yes, snow no. The important thing is that I was at home and, will miracles never cease, my furnace was working. So I was at home AND warm.

Luke slept the rest of the day and I must confess that I, too, took a nap.

The next day, Sunday, I had my first true challenge for my Lenten fast. During our Coffee Time (named Solid Grounds), one of the guys took these wonderful smelling little bread wrapped sausages out of the oven. They looked delicious and spelled delicious, my hand was reaching for them when I remembered my fast. (I know that technically on Sunday you can indulge in whatever it is you have given up for Lent but I wanted to go the entire six weeks meat-free). It was not easy passing those up.

Tomorrow, I head for Hot Springs for my interview before the Conference BOM. I am a little scared after my last experiences but I have faith that God works things out for the best. You guys can still pray for me though.

Trinity Trekker's

2009-02-28T09:09:00.002-06:00

Today is our big walk in the park with our dogs (dogs optional). It's been planned for months. Everyone is excited. The weather was up in the 70's...now it is in the 30's and falling....and now it's raining. My big boy Luke will love the walk anyway. He has enough hair for two or three other dogs. His owner/Mom will not be as happy.

Lent

2009-02-19T10:46:00.003-06:00

I have decided to give up meat for Lent and to show support for my daughter who has decided to become a vegetarian. I know so much more about nutrition now then I did twenty years ago when I tried to be a vegetarian and got sick. I do need some Tofu recipes, so send them to me if you have some good ones.

I am nervous about the BOM interviews on March 5th, because of my experience in Texas. The process has been so much better here that I am feeling somewhat better, plus I do know at least one person on my first interview team. Going to all those Clergywomen Luncheons might have been a good idea after all. I don't have anyone that can go with me to the interview, so that kind of sucks, but I will take a couple of books and my IPOD (maybe my laptop).

Another issue that has been troubling me--conflict between Senior Pastor and New Church Start Pastor--has resolved itself. I had been drawn into the middle of the conflict by the SP (not a comfortable place at all). It looks like we launch the new church this summer. I am excited about that, but will miss the NCS pastor. He has become a good friend, plus our daughters are the same age and go to the same school.

Okay, I have to write ANOTHER Evangelism paper for my D.Min.....this is getting really old.

BOM

2009-02-17T16:00:00.002-06:00

Okay, here we are again. I go before the Board of Ordained Ministry on March 5th. Everything has been going so much better than in Texas but I'm a little pessimistic about Boards. Arkansas does everything all in one day though so at least I will know at once.

So I need everyone to be praying for me on March 5th at 11 a.m. and at 6 p.m., that's when I have my two interviews before the various components of the Conference board.

Facebook

2009-02-06T10:30:00.004-06:00

So I have found a new way to waste time, Facebook. It has allowed me to keep in touch with my family in Texas, so I'm glad that I joined. It is amazing how much time can pass before you even know it.

I am going a few houses down later tonight to get to know one of my neighbors. I met her (through my Aunt) when I first moved here, but neither of us has made much of an effort until we became friends on Facebook. Ryss is going to babysit for her on Monday and we wanted a chance for all the kids to get to know each other.

The DBOM suggested that I make friends outside of the church...which is kind of hard considering I spend most of my time at church or at home working on papers and stuff. I learned in the TAC to take recommendations and suggestions as an order, it makes them much happier. The issue is that I am introverted and like to be alone.

Vegetarian

2009-02-05T09:44:00.002-06:00

Ryss has decided to become a vegetarian. I was a vegetarian for about two years (It happened to coincide while I was dating a vegetarian). I am going to try and diet alongside of her since I have gained back all of the weight I lost last year before I moved. (how embarrassing). I am back on track though, exercising every day, eating right, and all that other good stuff.

So you are my accountability group, feel free to email me and keep me on the right track.

A Time to Write

2009-02-05T09:28:00.002-06:00

Usually I am running to and fro, hospital visits, planning and leading Bible Study's, prayer groups, mission team events, etc. Finding time to write doctoral papers and/or blogs is getting harder and harder to find. Luckily I have a Senior Pastor who also worked on her doctorate while serving a large membership church and she is giving me a day off to write every week.

I wish I had something profound to write here but so far things are going so well my lingering pagan side wants to start knocking on wood. I am teaching a class over Stephen Job's on the Three General Rules of John Wesley. He took something that has been a part of our heritage and turned it into a money-making proposition. Cokesbury has displays of his little book, his new journal, his DVD, his Bible Study. I need to learn from a guy like this.

Getting Older

2009-01-30T09:09:00.002-06:00

Yesterday, my child got her Learner's Permit. I don't think that I am up for teaching her how to drive. This cannot be a good thing.

Social Networking

2009-01-17T20:35:00.002-06:00

Well, I finally joined Facebook. I was using our old laptop and I guess I got a little bit ahead of myself (clicking buttons). Anyway, my daughter called me horrified, "Mom, you said on Facebook that You LIKE GIRLS". I told her I had not even filled out those questions. She wouldn't just let it wait until the next day to fix it......she is worried that I will never get remarried.

I thought it was hilarious, she thought it was horrifying. It is fun to freak your kids out!!

2009-01-13T11:11:00.000-06:00

Today

2009-01-13T10:13:00.002-06:00

Okay, today's classes are more my kind of thing ---- Evangelism through Missions. Professor said, "Bible studies aren't the way to reach people." I can really get into this way of evangelism or as George Hunter would say, "The celtic way of evangelism".

This is much more in line with my way of thinking. So maybe I am an evangelist after all.

Houston

2009-01-12T13:46:00.003-06:00

The seminar this week is over Evangelism. The first day is going pretty good. Jeff (one of my Covenant Group friends from Tyler) was a presenter over new church starts. It was fun listening to him. And as I listen to some of my fellow students, they are all commenting about what a great job he did. So....whay to go, Jeff!!

Most of the books assigned by our professors are all over "Emergent" churches. I kind of wish they would have consulted each other and given us a few different perspectives. Ah, well...

Don't get me wrong, I love the concept of emergent churches. However, not all of us are at a point in our lives where we can be a part of that movement and could have used a few pointers in our current ministry situations.

Happy New Year

2008-12-31T17:41:00.002-06:00

It has been busy (like I'm sure it is for all of you). I have been getting everything ready to leave next weekend for Houston and trying to get all the required papers into the BOM for consideration in my commissioning. I'm praying that it goes better this time around. It is kind of amazing at how different this conference is as far as requirements go.

Anyway, I wanted to wish all of you, my blogging buddies, a Happy New Year. I pray that you will have a wonderful year.

Dancing Before The Lord

2008-12-19T10:06:00.000-06:00

"Dancing before the Lord."

I cannot dance, O Lord
unless you lead me.
If you will
that I leap joyfully
then you must be the first to dance and sing.
Then, and only then, will I leap for love.
Then will I soar from love to knowledge,
from knowledge to fruition, from fuition to beyond
all human sense.
And there I will remain and circle for evermore.
--Mechtild of Magdeburg

Wow

2008-12-19T09:42:00.002-06:00

What a busy time of the year for all of us!! My Senior Pastor is taking a month off so it isn't going to get much better especially since, sandwiched in that time, I have to go to Houston for a week.

I am driving my daughter to Texarkana tonight to meet up half-way with another family member. She really wanted to spend Christmas with our family and it didn't seem right for her to have to stay here just because I had to. It will be the first Christmas without her and I'm not looking forward to it at all.

One of the main fuses to the house has blown and hopefully the electrician will finally make it out here today. It has been since Tuesday without all of the lights and most of the electrical outlets. Thank goodness the major appliances and the heat didn't go out.

I have a funeral tomorrow and a cold, too. It is a really weird virus. I feel like crap but I don't have hardly any drainage or even much of a cough. My headache and sore throat are the worst of the symptoms. The funeral is a graveside service, so it won't be very long. Plus, there won't be much of crowd so I won't have to project my voice very far, which is very, very good. I don't think it would go very far. This is the first time I've been sick since that horrible, horrible flu I got last April, so I'm feeling pretty lucky.

Wow

2008-12-09T16:29:00.002-06:00

It is amazing at what a person can accomplish if she locks herself in her house and just writes, and writes, and writes. Thank goodness that my church truly believes in continuing education and were willing to give me the time off without it counting for vacation time.

I am already feeling less overwhelmed and in control than a couple of weeks ago. I still have work to do but it helped when the director of the D.Min. program said that any late books added to our list just were for reading, no papers required. Apparently, she is having problems getting the book lists from the professors. I was getting a little worried because they kept dribbling in and I thought we would have writing assignments coming in at the last moment.

Now the other good news, the new Sunday School class that I was responsible for starting is going well. It started off with a core group of 10-12, which I think is a perfect size for a Sunday School class. It allows everyone a chance to speak. After being in school for so long, I did not want to start a lecture style group and this is working out well. I did go against one suggestion of my senior pastor, she recommended that we call the class the "Wesley Sunday School Class". I decided "Maranatha".

The Christmas Season

2008-12-06T12:12:00.002-06:00

My days are so filled that I can't find the time to blog. Christmas is such a busy season for the church. I would like to say more but I'm off to pick up Ryss from her volunteer work at the Salvation Army Angel Tree and then we are going to the Nutcracker Ballet. One of our church youth is performing in it.

Doctoral Program

2008-11-24T16:20:00.002-06:00

Okay, I am finally getting some of my doctoral assignments for the next seminar coming up in January. Of course, my senior pastor is taking the month of January off (which she really needs), but that means that the slack falls on my shoulders. It is hard to concentrate on school work during the Christmas season, when I am used to getting that as a school break and worry about all the church stuff too. I guess it is good that Ryss is going to Texas for her school break. I'm going to miss having her with me for Christmas but she really wants to be with our family. It seemed like the right thing to do, since I can't go back with her.