Thursday, December 20, 2007

Tired in Texas

I know that I should not feel this pessimistic about this conference and all the requirements that it requires but I'm feeling very angry this morning. Of course, it didn't help that I couldn't sleep last night.

I am dealing with it but I'm not happy. I was truly called by God to this life or I wouldn't be fighting this hard for it. And if this had happened ten years ago, I wouldn't stick around for the 2nd Act. I have faith that this is where God wants me but the bureaucracy is killing me.

I've been told that part of the problem is that I don't fit the profile that the Conference has for its clergy. Strike one against me...I'm not male. Strike two against me....I'm a single mother. Strike three against me.....I'm no longer in my twenties or thirties. It doesn't help that I'm Hispanic but don't speak Spanish. Basically, I'm not what the establishment is used to seeing. Lest you believe that I am being paranoid, this came from a member of the District Board of Ordained Ministry.

So I am being proactive this morning, I have started writing down different conference telephone numbers so I can have a plan of action if tomorrow doesn't go well. Plus, I'm going to contact a couple of local community colleges and schools about possible positions.

My Bible Study group was very supportive of my ministry last night. They affirmed my calling and the fruits of my ministry which was very comforting. It goes against my nature to confide in people but I really needed their prayers and support last night. I will have my 4th anniversary at this church in 11 days, longer than any other pastor in recent (or known) history. I am finding it hard to rejoice in that right now.

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